Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
