I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
