I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Who died my cat blue again?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
