is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
