return my video game
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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