So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
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He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
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I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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