I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
