remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
