youre lurking in front of me
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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