Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
