she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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