guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
