allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
