Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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