Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
