All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
