I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
