so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
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A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
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I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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