My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
