I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
