If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
