He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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