You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize