i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
