I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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