you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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