are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
