He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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