I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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