I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
