Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
