I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
