You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
