Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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