Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
