Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
