Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
