I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
