help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
