Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
