she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
