She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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