my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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