What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
