hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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