I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
