my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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