Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
