I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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