Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
