i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
