I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I think I have vodka in my lungs
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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