My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
