hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
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