I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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