OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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