I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
