i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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