Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
