so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize