i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
