Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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