OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
