It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
