Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
