There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
