she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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