the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
