Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
two words: eviction party
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
