Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Will exercising make me less horny?
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