Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
