You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
