did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
