you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
