I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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