so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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