we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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