Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
