Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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