Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
