I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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