We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
